Fourword
A Would-Chuck Chuck?
He was hoping this would be the year, by golly geez was He ever hoping! You know what, Jesus McFuckin’ Christ!, ‘hoping’ is definitively a monumental Mount Baker megalithic understatement of immovable reverence of actionable orifice discharge. Nope, in fact, he wasn’t ‘hoping’ anymore, anymore more than a flaming jellified gasoline saturated atheist was in faithfully screaming for God’s piss of all pisses to miraculously and refreshingly extinguish such agonizing fiery fossil fuelled fanatical fuckery that is. Forget ‘hoping,’ He had resorted to literal knees flat outright downright God bypassing pandered begging straight unto the Universe itself in all It’s hermaphroditic encompassment of trans unified permeative seep through saturated goddamn imaginative everything in nothingness totality of brutality fancy factory of tireless calamity extremities to put it mildly.
You know what, fuck that!, fuck that indeed!, he was going to outright pay for the privilege if need be, and trust Him the need fuckin’ be, oh how the need fuckin’ be! Privilege?, but such is an evolutionary humanity induced right, is it not? Supposed to be! Well then why the fuck has he been left out of the cold in the high and dry anomalous nether region of metaphorical pants around ankles with tiny dick in tiny hand as the general public flaunts His nothingness in His face all around Him in excreted bodily fluid projection offerings the likes of clubbed baby seal blood staining in frantic elf village workshop overtime factory panic of North Pole behind schedule couture production deliverance of pelted severance longing?
Yup, this year He was going to get Him some! Get it, and get it good! Fuck yeah! He had, in self-assurance, been intently proclaiming all year that it was going to be an orifice overload, if only He could get Him some, hence the need to feel the need of need to pay in order to get it mentality. Symptomatic intrusion was the name and by any means necessary was the game. Yup, this year was going to be the year, oh, let Him feel it so! It seemed He had been on the cusp in the past couple years, but then, whammo!, bitchslapped!, left at the alter!, rug pulled out!, Man tries to figure out what the hell went wrong! “No Man, forget about the past” He thought, “tomorrow is a new day.” Yes, a glorious thing the future would be, He was going to get Him some. Get it and get it better than good. Heck yeah, marvellous magnificence was on the horizon! He could hardly wait.
Oh, so close – on the cusp. Indubitably! He remembers it like it was yesterday! He thought it was a slam-dunk to get that biscuit in His basket! But how could it go so wrong, how could it go so wrong?? He remembers it like it was yesterday! There she was as He walked into the establishment where He would part with his hard earned dollars – she stood out like a clubbed seal on a white Portuguese limestone walkway! Ever heard of stealing candy from a baby? Well, that is what He was going to do to her, steal her treasure! She was advertising it to the world, she wanted to give it away so badly, her body language said it all. Yessir, this was going to be easy for Him – just get in close enough for a short pick-up line, let her answer, and the deal would be sealed no questions need be asked, that fuckin’ easy He assured Himself. It was literally on display to be taken from her, so He made His move, left, right, left, right, left….right on target, her advertised essence would be His!
Mid September of 2024 – He remembers it like it was yesterday! Oh yeah, the closer He got, the surer He became, this was going to be it! There she was, slumped over on the counter presenting herself so ungracefully, one elbow on said countertop with double-chin firmly planted in the palm of her elbow planted hand, bloodshot eyes sunken in her raccoon eyed surrounds of aforementioned head being supported by her flying buttress elbow appendage so intent of preventing a humanoid architectural catastrophe crumbling of the unstable ages. She had to have been around a hundred pounds overweight upon a supporting stature that was definitively vertically challenged in its upbringing to begin with, but He did not discriminate over over such trivial details, He was going to get her to give it up, and give it up good in short order none the less! Yes, she had an aura about her that projected her vulnerability, intent for escapement and air of desperation that drably radiated from her encircled being upon humanoid architectural flying buttress flesh & bone support measures. So, now being in range, He made His move, “Hi, I need to pay some taxes….”
But before it came to to those filthy dirty pick-up line words, He could not help but wonder intently, as He walked up to the awaiting counter-slumped glory of which He was sure He would indeed be relishingly walking away with her sweetly desired prize, and the thought rolled through His mind: “How many COVID shots do you think this lady has gotten since the Globalist COVID Terror swept the earth how many times over and tyrannical Globalist governments threatened a near all eminent destruction of livelihood, therefore life of the citizens they authoritatively dictated utter fucking logorrheic garbage to in a bid for mega Globalist profits and outright dictatorial control over lowly plebeian scum such as you who only became “normal” after a bullshit rushed to the mindless market sheep compliance shot in the arm?” Yes, there she was, humanoid architectural flying buttress flesh & bone appendage and all, clearly sick as fuck behind the counter of which He so desperately did seek her sweet, sweet life assuring prize – whatever virus she was clearly afflicted with in the slogged down, beat up outer appearance she so intently displayed for the viral load taking that is.
For you see, He had not been sick in years now, and the conundrum puzzled him greatly, for you see, He was a guaranteed cold per year, if not two and/or a flu to keep Him company too – it was a way for the worldly viral Universe to inhabit His being, you know, trade some cellular information, as some would say, the old in-out recuperative harmonized meshing of sorts, and holey Jesus, when He was a pothead did he ever enjoy puffin’ those doobies while carrying a viral load – but sadly no more, for not only did He give up the reefers, but He no longer got sick anymore, not since a year or two after that Globalist sprung COVID debacle anyways. Why have the viral loads now forsaken Him so?
Sure He caught the COVID, the long COVID in December of 2019, before the Globalist terror scare campaign melted the minds of the masses of asses worldly flock, and shit, quite sick He was, though He never missed even a minute of work, and He kept puffin’ those fat doobies, but that COVID, it kept going and going and going, and then He went on vacation to Greece where His COVID was still going, and the people of Greece had the COVID too, it kept infiltrating his breathing orifices, exchanging that cellular info you know, even when He showed up with His very own COVID, those Greeks, they were kind enough to share theirs with Him too! And then in March of 2020 the world went Full Retard – and if there is one thing Hollywood taught Him, it was, “Never go full retard!” Goddamn blasphemous see creature feature indenture, by 2022+ He must have had the COVID of some sort at least fifteen times – it became a big fuckin’ joke to Him, Globalist government societies were literally committing suicide and entering authoritarian regimes while He now got some instantaneous pathetic tickle in his throat, a brief snot trickle and a mosquito sized headache. So, no, to answer the question you never asked: There was no way He was going to get a Globalist government mandated, against human rights, and utterly Full Retard COVID vaccination – and He never did, but everyone He knew did. Everyone! Even the most ardent and righteously adamant COVID protesters He knew. Heck, those “hardcore” “resistors” who folded their quarter-millimetre armour eventually could not even register in their defeated psyches that there was someone who could hold out on the government terror. Yup, fully caved personas living in their acquired fantasy of denial they were. Does this work of nonfiction have a moral? Ah, who the fuck knows anymore!? His attention span was so short, that not a bridge could draw on it.
Oh, right. He and His virally loaded humanoid flying buttress flesh & bone architecturally awaiting disaster so intently displaying her need to give her prize away. Did He manage to get her sweet, sweet biscuit in His awaiting immune system basket for mucousy orifice exploding glory? Like He said up-paragraph way, “Hi, I need to pay some taxes….” And then that prolifically infected angel spoke some angelic words of which He no longer remembers, but He does remember when that viral load near immediately inter-coursed their shared atmosphere and latched to his receptors. Oh, this was going to be the best he ever had maybe, apart from his first time?? It was an immediate penetration into his system for uptake, He could literally feeling it work as they transacted. Yes, this was it, He got Him some viral sickness from a willing to give it up lady!! As He walked back to his car after about five minutes, He could feel a headache coming’ on, a bit of a sore throat to boot! Yes, this was it! Time to party! He was finally sick!? After all, she looked about ready for an embalming or cremation, surely she would give Him some hot temperature elevated action to write an essay home about? Sadly, no. When He got to his car He popped a Fisherman’s Friend in his mouth, and five minutes up the road, his “headache” dissipated, his sore throat died like a clubbed seal on an impeccably tuned assembly line of baton flailing magnificence, and there was but not even a liquid booger trickle from his anticipating nostrils. Whammo!, bitchslapped!, left at the alter!, rug pulled out!, Man tries to figure out what the hell went wrong! Cruel, cruel Universe, why have though viral loads forsaken Him?
And to this very day, He has still not gotten sick for anything more than a maximum of a ten minute interval in what has to be close to three years now, even while being in the area and breathing in the exhaled atomically infected air of others on tens of occasions – heck, just last Friday He had a couple beers with a friend who was in the midst of a cold that had swept their entire family, and as He bullshitted and hypothesized intellectually disastrous dinosaur shit with said friend, He could feel those pesky viral freeloaders enter His body and have a brief communicative experience, but His system laughed them out of existence within the time His beer had been depleted. It was as if the invading viral load was speaking gobbledegook, so His deaf and mute immune system could see some lips flapping but nothing intelligible registered in understanding what He was being bombarded with. Yes, He is beginning to worry about His situation, and maybe everyone else’s too, in a kind of ‘What the fuck is going on around here?” type of way. Did the COVID vaccinations deplete peoples immune systems to such a degree? Has He just been on a miraculous string of sickness shirking luck? Did God just have a terrible case of explosive diarrhea inside a Gravitron carnival ride of which is just slowing to the point of a newly discovered form of gravity about to be unleashed in inundated flooring likeness? How much would could a would-Chuck Chuck if a would-Chuck could fuck and suck a would-Chuck would Chuck Chuck?
Yes, He is worried about the viral load situation indeed, and getting desperate He is, yes He is! He really needs to get Him some sweet, sweet hot viral action, and He’s willing to pay for it goddamn it. So if there are any ladies out there with a serious case of the flu, drop Him a line and He will pay you $100 to spit a big flu-infested viral load of saliva right in His mouth so He can swish it around in sommelier likeness, but then swallow it! Heck, He is even is willing to pay for a foursome of sweet, sweet human spittoon mimicking emulation! Hell, He’ll even let you lucky ladies blow some infected snot rockets over a tabled surface so He can gather the mucous up with a mini squeegee so He can then, in cocaine mimicking glee, snort away on a greasy wing and an elevated prayer! Please let this year be His year! Or early next year anyway! Oh please hermaphroditic Lord, let Him have it! Oh, let Him have it! How desperate He is! Put that biscuit in His bucket-list!
Well, if only you knew who He was. He is a very un-sick fellow you know. Other than being sick of the bullshit that is – He is well and tired sick of that fucking bullshit!
And don’t forget about Donald ‘Cunt-Face’ Trump and his Operation Warp Speed in force-feeding the American populace and setting the trend for the world with the Globalist ruse authoritarian COVID vaccination medium rolled out to terrorize the millions upon millions upon millions in propagandized descent into dystopian madness. Yes ‘Cunt-Face’ Trump has a permanent case of humanoid vaginitis, where everything emitted from his creviced cranium oratory existence is a foul discharge in need of near lethal-dose antibiotics and serious psychological medical attention.
And why yes, thanks for not asking – some fuck-face did hack His phone soon after the release of His “royal” wrecked-‘em exposé of last weeks release. Yes, like King Charles the Turd, they snuck in the back door and fiddled with the settings, setting His phone to ‘Do Not Disturb,’ so He did not realize He was not receiving text messages and phone calls until Saturday night. Good thing He is a loser without any friends, so it did not affect his social life in the least bit!!!
And on that note Chuck the Teutonic wiener hound, go badger someone over the age of twelve you filthy ‘royal’ queer!
